Two weeks before I was supposed to leave on my mission, I found myself bedridden and dealing with a painful medical condition. Two days after I was supposed to leave for my mission, the doctor told me that all was clear and that I could be on my merry way. Well, the proverbial mission train only comes around once every 6 weeks and I had missed the bus. So there I was still healing and with absolutely nothing to do with myself for 5 weeks and 5 days.
I was used to working, going to school, exercising, and having friends. With one swift kick in the pants, Mother Medical Problems had taken that away from me. I was left to fend for myself in my brother's old room. (I need to mention here, that I had a very doting real mom that took care of me wonderfully.)
At first the idea of doing nothing was really appealing.
"I have an excuse to stay in bed ALL day! I can watch Indiana Jones ALL day!"
1. I got bored of that pretty quick.
2. I have an overactive "do something productive" command in my hard drive.
"Doing something productive" translated into "research everything you can about houseboats" I know right? Where did that even come from? I have no idea. I became obsessed with owning a houseboat. I was like Mr. Toad with one of his manias.
I even got my dad hooked on the idea. I had convinced myself that I could never be truly happy until I was moored to some river bank in Europe, living in a houseboat. It was exhilarating at first, to imagine myself, ruler of the dock, with my cute little floating house. But squint as I might at my finances and my life plans, I couldn't figure out how to make it work. Slowly, I realized that this dream would take a lot a lot of work to become a reality. And even if it did happen, it would be many years down the road.
And even when I did get a houseboat it probably wouldn't look like the houseboat of my dreams.
It would look like this:
I was deflated, depressed and stuck. "If I can't own a houseboat, then what am I even doing with my life??" I think I had been stuck in a room by myself for too long.
But nevertheless I felt despondent, like I had no control over my life or my happiness. I felt totally and completely out of control because the things that I felt would bring me joy were so very out of my reach. I felt trapped in every real sense of the word. It's not a pretty place to be.
After feeling sorry for myself for a little while, I had an epiphany. And if you listen carefully, I think that this epiphany can help you too.
I realized that I didn't really want a houseboat. What I wanted...... was to be creative and live like a gypsy and defy social norms. (I think this might have come from being stuck at BYU for so long, also my brain is weird)
I could do that from home! Huzzah! I had found a solution to my problems! I DID know what I was even doing with my life! I started researching how to make my own shampoo with baking soda and vinegar and how to make my own deodorant with coconut oil. I also started cooking a whole bunch of new recipes.
In case anyone is interested:
http://theartofsimple.net/how-to-clean-your-hair-without-shampoo
http://wellnessmama.com/1523/natural-deodorant/
Do I still do these things? No. Well I still cook, but I buy shampoo and deodorant from the store.
Did this experience help me in some way? Yes.
So, if you are feeling stuck or deflated about your life because it's not where you want it to be, look for the small things that you can control and then do them! Plant 5 seeds in an egg carton, paint a wall in your house, curl your hair a different way, buy a new shirt from DI, call your grandpa that lives in Louisiana, make a zen garden out of rocks and sticks.
It's exhilarating and even if the product doesn't turn out the way you want, the process of creating is wonderful and I believe that it is part of why we live. It's what we're even supposed to be doing with our lives. So create.
<3
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