When Insomnia Strikes

There are three main causes for sleeplessness (at least in my life.)

1. Stress
2. Stress
3. Biochemical imbalances
     - caused by stress

I've had a lot of time to think this week about insomnia and I have come up with 12 stages of this lovely condition.

Stage One: You can feel that it's coming. You know that you aren't going to be able to turn off your brain tonight and so, in denial, you get into bed and quickly pull the covers over your head, tightly close your eyes and try very hard not to think about anything.

Stage Two: Assume every sleeping position possible within a 3 minute time frame. If you are really desperate, you will even try sleeping with your head on the opposite end of the bed.

Stage Three: Admit defeat. This is followed by throwing back the covers and staring at the ceiling.

Stage Four: Run through your plans for tomorrow, preparing for scenarios that could cause disaster,  embarrassment or trauma.

Stage Five: psychoanalyze why you aren't sleeping and try to therapy yourself into sleeping. (This may or may not consist of relaxation recordings about beaches, inner peace and relaxing your forehead muscles.)

Stage Six: Admit defeat.

Stage Seven: At this point you consider getting up and making food.

Stage Eight:  After, eating 4 and half bowls of cereal, you climb back into bed and pin an embarrassing amount of pictures of Tom Hiddleston and how to make homemade granola bars.

You tell 'em Tom!

The man is adorable. 

Stage Nine: Watch Youtube videos of baby elephants trying to sit on people's laps.

               

Stage Ten: research baby elephants.

Stage Eleven: take five minutes to logistically calculate if you could ever actually own a baby elephant.

Stage Twelve: Admit defeat.

It's between 3 and 4 Ante Meridiem and you finally. Finally. fall asleep.