I started this post 5 months ago. I've been unsure of how to present this without it sounding like I'm fishing for compliments. Just know that my purpose is to share my thoughts with the universe and hopefully they will benefit a few people.
I didn't get real kissed until I was 24 years old. I got kissed on the cheek for the first time when I was 23 years old. Scandalous, I know.
I was in an airport with a boy that had taken me on a few dates and I could tell that he was feeling nervous about something. He kept looking at me and then looking away. When he had to leave for his flight and I for mine, he gave me a hug and then out of nowhere kissed me on the cheek. (Ok, maybe anyone with at least one eye and a brain would have seen it coming, but I didn't.) I was so surprised, I elegantly said, "Oh....thanks."
I was walking away trying to figure out how I felt about it all and kind of chuckling to myself at the absurdity. Truly bewildered, I thought, "But, I'm fat..."
That was honestly my second reaction.
I believed because I wasn't an Athleta model or that girl on campus I just saw, that no one would like me. That was simply not true. The moment in the airport and a few others started a process that changed how I perceive myself.
I want to share the 5 shackle-breaking moments I had with my body perception.
1. A Black Red-headed Swedish Model.
God answers a lot of my prayers through Yahoo articles and podcasts. I happened upon an article about Sabina Karlsson. Which lead me to her Instagram profile. Which lead me to drink in the genuine and subtle confidence that she projects. I saw how she held herself and how she looked at me as if to say, "Look at me, I am unique and I am beautiful. Not because of the rules set forth by society, but because I know who I am." It gave me permission to feel that way about myself too.
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| @thesabinakarlsson |
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| Photo Credit: JAG Models |
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| Photo Credit: Anastasia Garcia. |
2. A Book.
It's not one of those "Eat what you want AND lose weight!" scams. It's more of an, "Eat what your body tells you and quit being so neurotic about dieting!" scams. And by scams, I mean that they try to hook you with catchy things like the horrible subtitle they chose. So cliche. However, the principles in the book are gold.
I didn't realize that I was allowed to feel pleasure from eating. Like, I'm allowed to feel heady when I eat a really good piece of bread or soup or full flavor yogurt. I learned to let myself fully submit to and experience the very real pleasure of eating.
3. I can have fat and be fit.
I used to have a black and white perception that if I wasn't perfectly fit, I was a couch potato. Not so.
Real conversation I've had:
Coworker: how was your weekend?
Me: "It was really fun, I went on a 70 mile bike trip."
Coworker: Moves to look at my body and says incredulously "Wow."
Yes, I have body fat and yes, I can also sit my rear end on a bike and exercise. They aren't mutually exclusive.
4. No one can pass judgement on me and I shouldn't pass judgement on anyone else.
If someone food judges you, (makes snide/passive aggressive/demeaning comments about what you are eating) tell them to go handle their own business, because what you're eating sure isn't theirs.
Skinny shaming is bad too. Things like "You're so skinny, I hate you *fake laughter*" That is not a compliment. I don't know when girls started thinking that saying "I hate you" was a compliment. It's not.
5."Perfect" and "Awful" aren't the only body types.
There are a million. Actually, there are 6,987,000,000. You don't have to be perfect to be attractive.
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| Own it! |
Ultimately, moving toward this frame of mind is personal. And painful at times. And wonderfully freeing. And it has to be a choice. A choice to believe that you are beautiful and that you have worth. No one is going to give you that knowledge. The beauty industry is still trying to scam you out of your money. You will still wonder what people think of you.
What you can control is fully owning the peace of mind that comes from reveling in the miracle of your body, mind, and spirit.
Julia Vincent Hetherton
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