The Best Purchase I Ever Hated

This is for the Molly Weasley's in the world. 

The people that have two priorities in life: 
1) To make sure that every person within a 10 mile radius is fed.
2) To make sure that everyone within a 10 mile radius is warm enough.

When I got a dog walking job my freshman year, I encountered a Molly Weasley. 

She learned that I didn't have a pair of "good winter boots." This is apparently one of the cardinal sins in a mother's book. In fact, I got scolded. 

This woman was very generous and offered to pay for half of a pair of good winter boots for me. Well, half of the price of a pair of good winter boots. I only agreed because back then I was even more of a people pleaser than I am now. 

We went to Nordstrom and I felt sick to my stomach. The only thing I had ever bought from Nordstrom was nothing because I was too cheap/poor. 

I spent 20 minutes deliberating over the boots on sale. (By the way, on sale was $100) When I came home with my purchase, I tried them on again and wept. There were four thoughts going through my mind.

1) These make my feet look big. 

2) I will look ludicrous if I wear these.

3) I just payed $50 bucks for shoes that make my feet look big and ludicrous. 

4) Because I just made an expensive, "unnecessary" purchase, I will be in debt for the rest of my life, my children will have to scrimp for clothes and I will never have peace of mind about my finances. 

I didn't consciously flesh out the last thought into words, but that is how my mind was reacting. It felt that terrible. I hope you don't think I was ungrateful. An OCD mind just tends to overreact.

I put the boots in my closet and would only bring them out to walk the dog. And not because I wanted to keep my feet warm, but because I was a people pleaser. I would get the dog, wave to the woman, point to my boots smiling, give her a thumbs up and walk away scowling at my big ludicrous feet. 

In case you can't tell, I have a tendency to be hypersensitive. God bless you if you have a child like this. 

It took me 4 years, but I slowly eased up on the "I HAVE TO MAKE SURE LIFE IS PERFECT" pedal and I wore my boots even though I still kinda thought they made my feet look big. Then I started to wear them even when it wasn't snowing, then I started to wear them because I thought they looked cute. Then I realized that I actually love these boots and I am so glad that I bought them. They have lasted me 6 years and they still look brand new. They have kept my feet warm and dry through many a Utah winter. They give me peace of mind in bad weather. I hope that they last me many more years.

Turns out I didn't know everything at 17 like I thought I did.