The Misheard Name

I have a problem.


I'm a speech therapist-in-training and the general American public cannot understand me when I pronounce my name.

They hear lots of things, but rarely just "Julia."

Cases in point:

My eye doctor doesn't have the best ears.

I went to Waffle Love and this is what the cashier put on my personal cardboard tray that is supposed to identify me from all of the other waffle lovers out there.

I get everything from Juliet to Julian (which is a boy's name by the way.) I don't blame them. Obviously if this is happening on a regular basis, there's a hitch on my end of the line. 

I've tried a couple of things to clarify my name.

A) Accentuating the aaaaa sound. "Hi, I'm Juliaaaaa" 

Effective, but I usually get some weird looks. 

B) Not being as nasally. 

Easier said than done.

C) Try not to have a lisp even though my name doesn't have an eth in it. People may just be confused at everything I'm saying, so by the time I get to my name it's a lost cause.

D) Attach myself to Julia Child. "My name is Julia, like Julia Child." The only problem with that approach is that I have to do my Julia Child impression if they don't know who she is. By the end of the ordeal, they still don't know who she is and I look like a goombah. 

You don't have to watch the whole clip. You'll get the gist in about 10 seconds. 

Throughout my years of experimentation I have come up with a solution that I feel I can live with.

If there is a 60% chance that I'm not going to see the person ever again, I let it slide.

If I will probably see them again and they will be confused when people aren't calling me "Jillian," then I will correct them. 

It's been effective so far. 

There's also the fact that I tend to forget my name tag for work and so I'm usually parading around the Wilkinson Center with "Alice" magnetized to my shirt.....but that's a whole other post. 

Sincerely,

- Julie

When Insomnia Strikes

There are three main causes for sleeplessness (at least in my life.)

1. Stress
2. Stress
3. Biochemical imbalances
     - caused by stress

I've had a lot of time to think this week about insomnia and I have come up with 12 stages of this lovely condition.

Stage One: You can feel that it's coming. You know that you aren't going to be able to turn off your brain tonight and so, in denial, you get into bed and quickly pull the covers over your head, tightly close your eyes and try very hard not to think about anything.

Stage Two: Assume every sleeping position possible within a 3 minute time frame. If you are really desperate, you will even try sleeping with your head on the opposite end of the bed.

Stage Three: Admit defeat. This is followed by throwing back the covers and staring at the ceiling.

Stage Four: Run through your plans for tomorrow, preparing for scenarios that could cause disaster,  embarrassment or trauma.

Stage Five: psychoanalyze why you aren't sleeping and try to therapy yourself into sleeping. (This may or may not consist of relaxation recordings about beaches, inner peace and relaxing your forehead muscles.)

Stage Six: Admit defeat.

Stage Seven: At this point you consider getting up and making food.

Stage Eight:  After, eating 4 and half bowls of cereal, you climb back into bed and pin an embarrassing amount of pictures of Tom Hiddleston and how to make homemade granola bars.

You tell 'em Tom!

The man is adorable. 

Stage Nine: Watch Youtube videos of baby elephants trying to sit on people's laps.

               

Stage Ten: research baby elephants.

Stage Eleven: take five minutes to logistically calculate if you could ever actually own a baby elephant.

Stage Twelve: Admit defeat.

It's between 3 and 4 Ante Meridiem and you finally. Finally. fall asleep.

Blood Pressure

New person in my life:     "Did you play any sports in high school?"

Me:                                   "uhhh, I ran track for a little bit." 



I generally feel like a fraud when I answer that question, because "run" is a very loose term and I only did it for one year.

Sometimes, I mention that I also played tennis for a year, but if I do, I have to also mention that my nickname was "bambino."

If you're wondering why that's bad, here is a picture of The Great Bambino.

Anyway,  the point of this introduction, is that when I was in track they wanted to see which foot was my dominant foot. Since most people don't write with their toes, you have to do the push test to find out.

The push test is where someone stands behind you, pushes you and sees what foot you catch yourself with. That is your dominant foot. 

Mine happens to be my right, in case anyone was interested. 

I love this concept, because it's a moment where you react without thinking and in the process, learn something about yourself. 

I had another moment like that a few weeks ago.  

I was at the plasma center, getting ready to donate. Every time I go, they test my blood pressure to make sure that I won't pass out on them and cause a scene. 

 My blood pressure was 94 and they need it to be at 100. They allow one retest.

The nurse told me that to get my blood pressure up, I should think of an attractive man. I took the challenge. Sherlock, (a.k.a. Benedict Cumberbatch) waltzed in first. A few seconds later he was followed by Ross Poldark (a.k.a. Aidan Turner.) When she retested me, my blood pressure was at 114. Yep. It works folks. 

 I learned that apparently, I'm most attracted to a fictional, high functioning sociopath that has no concern for the emotions of others.

So! if you are having an identity crisis, I highly recommend donating plasma or having a friend push you. You'll learn a lot :)