It’s okay to not have a flat belly

Art by @palomadelaghetto

As a casual consumer of social media and fashion, I noticed that I wasn’t seeing a lot of bodies that looked like mine. Even the plus sized models didn’t look like me. Over the years I’ve been very intentional about what images I consume and who I follow. It seems that women having a belly is offense #1. You can have thick thighs and a butt that doubles as a table, but worthiness forbid you have a belly. If you do have a belly, you must hide it with clever clothing tricks. I’m still scratching my head about how some plus sized models have such flat stomachs. 

 I mean good for them, but my body doesn’t work that way. When I sit down I like to unbutton the top of my pants because they fit my waist when I stand up but not when I sit down. I jiggle when I move and I can grab onto my stomach like a wide third boob under my belly button. That’s my body. 

I’ve been gathering images of women who look more like me. Women who don’t have perfectly flat bellies. Women who don’t try to conceal their bellies with illusions. It gives me a corrected perspective and helps me challenge my biases about what women are “allowed” to look like. More importantly, I follow Beauty Redefined on Instagram and they remind me often that my body is an instrument not an ornament. When I stop hyper-fixating on my body I can direct my energy towards things I’d rather be thinking about. 

Here are a few images that help me to remember that I don’t have to hide my belly. 

I gain a weird amount of confidence from statues.

Really, what our bodies look like shouldn’t be a focus of conversation at all, or the focus of a mediocre blog post, but I’ve found that it helps to see people who look like me wearing cute clothes and not trying to shrink. Hopefully it’s helped you too. If not, let me know what didn’t help. I’m always curious and wanting to learn. 

A Plea

For anyone who is active in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints:

I am kindly asking you to give me space. To accept who I am and take my perspective for a minute. It is incredibly hurtful and triggering and painful when you try to convince me to come back to the church. I will never try to sway you from your beliefs and lifestyle. I say this with tears in my eyes: Why do you feel like you have to do that to me? You take no time to understand me. You ask no questions about what my experiences have been. You only tell me what I need. Can you understand why that is so painful to me?

I understand that the church helps you. I understand that you feel it's your duty to share the joy you feel. I was once where you are now.  There is nothing you can say to me that I haven't said before myself. Please don't insult me by thinking you know what I need without taking the time to ask me about my experiences. I'm happy your needs are filled by the church. It doesn't fill my needs. 

If you are active in the church and you've never tried to convince me that the church is what I need, I thank you with everything I have. You are a true friend and I have felt nothing but love from you. 

If you are from another religion, please do not take this as an opportunity to try to convince me to come to your church. You've been cool so far, don't ruin it.

I really just hope you understand that the things you say to me, even though they are said with good intent, cause me pain. Again, I understand that you just want the best for me. I'm telling you that what I need is to feel accepted as a person even if my decisions differ from yours.

Thank you.

Two Thousand Nineteen

I browse Pinterest a lot. It appeals to my creative side and helps me define my style. Every year around this time people post about the ending year. Some posts are along the lines of "I can't wait for 2019 to be over. IT SUCKED." I'm not a fan of that mentality, because I see it every year. I don't believe that one year ending and one year beginning is going to do anything to change the dynamics of your life. It can be useful though to look back on the year. With that in mind, this year has been a year of transition for me and I'm excited to look back on it and examine the landscape of my life.


January: I cut my own hair. No I am not trained. If any professional had looked at it they probably would have asked who the hell cut my hair. I was happy with it though.

February: Took ownership of my half of the speech room and redecorated. It feels homey and peaceful now. 

March: Inspired by the Nike commercial that aired during the Oscars and featured Serena Williams, I designed a t-shirt with my dad. It says "and the women?" in French. 

April: I buzzed my hair at 3 AM with clippers after playing around with different pixie cuts and deciding I didn't want to deal with any of them. It was a pretty liberating experience. One of my second grade students asked me why I cut my hair and I truthfully told him, "Because I couldn't sleep." To which he replied, "Why didn't you just drink a cup of coffee and watch TV?"  lol

May: I got into a minor crash. Baltimore and poor geo-spatial reasoning skills. That is all I will say about that. 

June: I put curtains around my bed....not much happened in June.

July: A lot happened in July. I fostered this little Millie girl that my mom adopted. Josh left. I completely redecorated my apartment so that it felt like my own space. I went to England to visit my in laws and had an absolutely healing and beautiful time over there.

August: I enjoyed the last bits of summer before I started working again. Also, my classroom got tile floors to replace the carpet from the 70's which gave me the opportunity to purge and reorganize my classroom.






September: I visited my friend Mia in Myrtle Beach

October: I went to a Post Malone concert solo.

November: I got a tattoo on my ribs.

December: I took these hooligans to the dog park quite a bit. Anytime I leave Hope in the car for any amount of time, she gets into the driver's seat, sits like an adult and waits for me to come back. I love her.

Overall, I can say that in 2019, in the face of difficult circumstances,

 I created, I engaged in life, and I loved.

Ok, after that self-indulgent post I will now briefly note media that impacted me this year, which is also self-indulgent. #millenial

Media Review

Books: I read ONE book in 2019. Wow. It was Dragonfly in Amber (Outlander #2). Well, I read one complete book in 2019. I read half of a lot of books. The Velvet Rage: Overcoming the Pain of Growing Up Gay in a Straight Man's World, Sex at Dawn: The Prehistoric Origins of Modern Sexuality, and Voyager (Outlander #3). All good books, I just had difficulty committing to things after July....

Television: I finished Parks and Recreation for the first time and let me tell you: it is not the greatest show in the world, but I sure did enjoy it. I thought they ended the series perfectly. Fleabag totally enraptured me and I told everyone I knew about it. Phoebe Waller-Bridge is a hero. Big Little Lies was good and made me sob a few times, mainly because it hit trigger points. 

Movies: Keeping up with my aesthetic of watching movies on a 7 year + delay, in 2019, I  watched Good Will Hunting, Step Brothers, American Pie, Repo! The Genetic Opera, Scream, Pulp Fiction, and Deadpool. I thoroughly enjoyed most of them. 

I did see a few movies in theaters: Rocketman, Glass, Doctor Sleep, Zombieland: Double Tap, and Little Women. Glass was not as good as Split, but maybe better than Unbreakable? Little Women was very well made and I was completely in love with the way Florence Pugh played Amy, however, I was bored throughout most of the movie. Perhaps because I know the story so well. Rocketman was everything I LOVE about Elton John and more. 

I actively avoided all the Disney remakes. 

Music: Post Malone. What a person. What music. I read a line in print that says "Why does Post Malone's music sound like everything and nothing at the same time?" I agree with that and I'm unashamed that I love his music. 

Lemonade by Beyonce was put on streaming services at a very convenient time in my life. If you ever need to feel empowered, listen. to. that. shit. 

Memes: To conclude, I will leave you with some memes that were worthy of a screenshot in 2019.

If you made it this far, thanks for reading <3