I used to be afraid of Kate Kelly

I used to be afraid of having a gay child.

Of psychologists.

Of uncertainty, dissension, and differences.

Of things I didn’t understand.

I used to be afraid.

Now I am afraid of having any child.

Of being alive.

Of being dead.

Of connecting.

Of isolating.

I was influenced to see Kate Kelly as a symbol of narcissism and evil. Now I see a woman.

I was influenced to believe that having a gay child meant choosing heaven or love. Now I see a child.

Someday I will not be afraid of having a child, of living, of dying, of connecting, of isolating.

What will I be afraid of then?

A Star is Born Review

There are few movies that bring emotions so strongly to the forefront of my mind that I sob. Among the many emotions that may accompany sobbing, gratitude for the sobbing is usually one of them. I like feeling and expressing these emotions strongly. The rarity and authenticity of the experience add to the preciousness of the feelings. I've become really good at manufacturing the emotion of fear and portraying the emotion of cheerfulness. I even experience a hollow sort of sadness at regular intervals. However, a full sadness, one that contains complex ideas such as loss, love, family, regret, solitude, camaraderie, and empathy, is rare and special. It feels healing in a way.

The movies I can remember making me feel this way are:

Warrior

A Beautiful Mind

Phantom of the Opera

I connected with the complex familial love that is discussed in Warrior. A Beautiful Mind hit very close to home at the time I was watching it. I was 13 when I cried during Phantom of the Opera. I felt for the Phantom and that he just wanted to be loved. I write more thoughts on Phantom of the Opera here.

Ohp, and I cried during "The Shawshank Redemption" as well. Almost forgot about that one, which is not an indication of how great that movie is. It is one of the best (according to the voters on IMDB, it is THE best.)

As you may have guessed, I also had a strong emotional reaction to A Star is Born. 

Bradley Cooper carefully crafted a cinematic experience that led me to deeply care about the characters, to relate to them, to want to be them, to want to know them. He also beautifully portrayed the difficulties of life. Jackson and Ally have their specific set of difficulties, yet the emotions that accompany them feel transcendent. I started this post with the intent of analyzing the movie, but now that I'm here, I think I just want to let myself be affected by the movie without wondering why. I'm grateful for the experience I had while watching the movie.